The secret to a good secret santa...

Assuming the role of a secret Santa is as stressful for me as watching Ben Stiller’s character continually screw up in Meet the Parents.

Greg Focker: You can milk anything with nipples Jack.
Jack (fiancée’s father) dryly: I have nipples Greg. Could you milk me?

I always get so emotionally invested in the secret Santa process. I spend more time dropping fake hints, whistling to appear nonchalant, and causing panic and isolation among the other participants to divert attention from myself, than I actually do purchasing secret Santa gifts.

Imagine my delight, when I came across guidelines on how to be a perfect OVERACHIEVING secret Santa.
I’ve listed a few of my favorites below, the rest can be found here.

• Cover your tracks by spreading rumors that you're someone else's secret Santa.
• Wear black when staking your [secret Santa] receiver's residence at night.
• Study his patterns. What time does he wake up? Go to bed? What route does he take to and from work? Does he answer his phone when he's home? Does he have pets? What are their names?
• Grow a beard or moustache.
• Befriend your [secret Santa] receiver's friends and make them his enemies.
• There is never a wrong time for war paint.
• If your Secret Santa identity is compromised, be prepared to leave the area for an extended time.
• Use cash to buy gifts. Credit cards and online retailers leave you prone to hackers who could reveal your Secret Santa identity.
• Move like water - adapt quickly to changing circumstances when others are like the sloth.
• Feign confusion over how Secret Santa works. Your receiver will be less prepared for your perfect gift.

Photo Credits:
Christmas #19- Timberland Santa
Kevindooley, Flickr